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No more fairy tales

Updated: Sep 2, 2022

I love sitting on our back deck watching the birth of a new day as I sit here and remember this is the angelversary of our son JJ who made his transition from cancer. From heaven to my womb

1975 and returned to the heavenly sphere on this day 2013. Rest well son. You have my eternal love forever and ever.

I grew up on fairy tales (e.g. Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Riding Hood, Beauty and the Beast). Most of the fairy tales were written by men with stories of women in distress having almost the same plots. The woman is a helpless weak victim, depressed, lonely, or looking for love. She befriends inanimate objects and other creatures. And then rewarded with a handsome, wealthy and courageous husband.

All the females were helpless victims waiting for someone to save them. I don't want to be a SLEEPing intention is to be a SPEAKING beauty. I want to stay awake to my blessings, God's grace, opportunities to teach, grow, serve, travel, connect, and my ideas, instincts, intelligence, joy, creativity, courage, and impact my family and community in positive ways.

I am learning to SEE more clearly who and what I can change and who and what I cannot change. I am not helpless. I am not a victim. I am awake to my super powers to create, be resilient, produce, lead, write, empower, and use my voice for the benefit of all.

I hear many stories of victimhood from abusive relationships, traumatic childhoods, racism, and past addictions from my counseling sessions. Many of these women developed chronic long-term victim mentality. Victim mentality is learned behavior. In other words, it's not something you're born with. It's something you learn in a social environment. It could be learned from family members or the result of trauma.

There's no doubt that bad things happen to good people. But the key to not succumbing to victim mentality is to adopt the mentality of a survivor and courageous faith walker. To break the chains you must start taking taking accountability for your life step by step and feel worthy of receiving help. A victim mindset revolves around negative thinking patterns and lives in an atmoshpere (at-most-fear) of feeling helpless, stuck, limited, fearful, unlovable, and unworthy:

  • Catastrophizing – “They’ll never hire me.” “I’ll never pass this exam.” "I'll never be happy again."

  • Discounting the positive – “I didn’t do anything to deserve this promotion; it was pure luck.”

  • Mental filtering – “I never do anything right. I am a failure.”

These faulty thinking patterns increases feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. These feelings lead to anxiety, procrastination, depression, self-sabotage, behavioral substance abuse, and other mental health and behavioral challenges. When a person is ready to give up the fantasy, fairy tales, living in the past, and "hoping" things will change without taking any action...I believe a person can find restoration after facing their reality, seeking spiritual stamina, and changing their environment and relationships for the better.

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